JazzieCarmen

Confidence is an issue that I've struggled through for a very long time. Throughout the years my lack of self confidence has varied and moved around into several different areas. My self esteem has plummeted pretty low at points, but once you get past that, everything's a little better.

I think confidence is something that a lot of people struggle with, which is a bit of a shame really. It's one of those things that can really affect people; really hold them back. I had a close friend that used to hurt themselves quite regularly because they...well they thought they were worthless I suppose. I have never felt completely worthless, and I hope I never do, but sometimes those dark thoughts do cross my mind.

Confidence is a strange thing. I feel more confident blogging to a group of strangers about my life than I do telling my friends to their faces. That's weird, isn't it? I'd rather tell a stranger through a screen. I think that's odd anyway. It's odd because...well...my blog is like my diary. That's not the sort of thing people let people read, but well...here we are.

Writing at night is easier than writing in the day. Under the cover of darkness. Kind of a bit secretive really. Maybe that's saying something about my confidence. I don't know. More people have insecurities than people think, and more people have more insecurities than they know. Maybe we should all help each other with our insecurities. Maybe that's a bit sloshy and cliche, but maybe it's true.

Ironically, it seems like people aren't confident enough to help other people. So maybe we should all work on improving our own issues. The thing about humans though, is that we're not solitary creatures. We work in groups, we're social...well most of us are - the point is, hearing something nice once in a while does wonders to your self-esteem, so dropping compliments here and there would work wonders, no?

For me it was Diagnosis = Confidence drop, and now I'm re-building again. Just kept thinking 'damaged goods' or 'faulty' or something, but at least I know I'm not alone. We can do everything we want to, we just have to be confident enough to try.

I know I'm sticking my blog posts on here more and more lately, but i want this space to be for something worthwhile, and i think this is probably a decent way of doing it
JCx

Borrowed from my blog: jazziecarmen.blogspot.com


Okay, so I've let the news sink in a little bit now. I've had PCOS all my life, but I was diagnosed four days ago. Isn't it interesting that when you don't know about something, you tend not to care so much? Interestingly with PCOS, it's not curable, but there are solutions. Diet, excercise, oral contraceptives, IVF and all of that stuff, I'll always have polycystic ovaries, and I'll always suffer from polycystic ovary syndrome...although, I don't really think suffer is the right word. Suffer implies something horrendous, often something painful, but I'm feeling strangely calm about having this condition.

It's been three years that I've been trying to find out if I have PCOS and those three years have been pretty difficult; so now that I know, I feel strangely at peace with it. The last few years have been filled with tears, laughter, numbness, friendship and utter, complete madness. It's been filled with breakdown after breakdown, but people are always there to pick up my pieces. So thanks for that guys, if I ever have to, I'll do the same for you.

The hardest thing I had to deal with was wondering if I had hyped the whole thing up. What if it got to the results and it turned out I was being a hypochondriac? There was one person who - unknowingly - made me feel like that. It did make me think, well I'm obviously not worth the bother, maybe I should just quite while I'm ahead. But I didn't. And I do have PCOS. I wasn't hyping it up.

Okay so now I know exactly what my problem is, and I know how to deal with it. The new doctor's surgery I've been visiting has really helped me on my way to finding out. They've done everything they can to support me, and that's helped so much, it's unbelievable. I'm glad that I found out sooner rather than later, and that everything is going to be okay; I'll make everything okay. I feel a lot more of a person, if that makes sense, a lot more substantial than I used to feel. I've begun to find it easier to talk to people about my situation, to tell people what's going on and in turn help them.

Having PCOS can make you feel really inadequate, like 'nobody's going to want me' and 'I am not worth the hassle' but that's not true at all. It's normal to feel like this, normal to have a massive blow to your self esteem after diagnosis, but it will get better. It can always get better.

I'd like to hear from anyone who has PCOS if any of you read my blog. We can all deal with it together!

JC xxxx

Call me crazy, but I have this notion that a journal entry should well...actually tell us something, whether about a new book we should all read, or about our love of socks. Socks are epic. So Life is going a bit slowly at the moment. Most of my friends will know that the previous journal post does not apply anymore. I went in for an ultrasound on my ovaries, and will recieve the results on thursday afternoon. Thank you for your support, my friends are amazing.

But that's not what I want to talk about. I want to say something profound, but I don't really have anything to say. This journal is something of an apology for not writing more often, but that's more because well...I just haven't had the time to. But how is everyone feeling? We all well?

If you haven't I suggest you check out my student newspaper, where, not only does my advice column reside, a friend of mine has started a new, literary column called Should I read... and I think you should check it out. She makes a good read, if nothing else. One skilled writer.

I'm not sure what to say, so I'm going to end this journal here. I hope everyone had a good Halloween, and nobody tried to tear the veil between the worlds on Samhain's eve. That's just mean.

Love you!
JCXxx

BLOG POST FROM MY BLOG: jazziecarmen.blogspot.com

Okay. Blogging. Sharing your experiences with...well the world can be a hard thing to do. First of all, you never quite know whats sharing worthy. It's interesting to see what people are willing to share with you and what they want to hide.

The thing with blogs is that you can put on a persona, you can lie, and who's ever going to know? But I'm at an advantage here, because it seems that close friends of mine are following my blog, so they'll know I'm not lying. Unless, of course, I've created their accounts, but someone would catch me out. The truth always tells in the end.

Yet again, I've chosen to write to you at obscene hours of the morning. Because I got some good news this morning and I wanted to share it with you all. Last week I had a blood test, because I've been showing many of the main symptoms of a condition called polycystic ovarian syndrome. I read and read and read about it, information about the condition isn't exactly hard to find. It's one of the leading causes of infertility in women, so naturally, I was worried. I've never been one to want children, or even like them sometimes, but the last couple of years, I felt like that option could be taken away from me, so my opinion radically changed. I want a family when I'm ready, I think in a way, everyone does at some point in their lives. But, I'm in the clear. As far as I know, I don't have PCOS, so it's still an option. It took hour for the news to sink in, but I'm so happy about it.

My GP was reluctant to test me for the condition, but I pushed for it a little, so I could rule it out as an option, which I now have. I wanted to write this to let people know, if you want them to tell you something, test you for something, you only have to ask. Don't be shy of doing it. This has given me stress over the last few years until I plucked up the courage to ask.

So grin, and bare your teeth. If you need to know something, it's usually something big and it means you need to deal with it. Maybe it's a problem. If it is, you have to push to get it sorted, nobody else can do it for you.

Love
JCx

Gryffindor:

• [x] You are loud.

• [x] You liked going to school to see your friends.

• [ ] You've had more than a couple detentions.

• [] You always have something to do on the weekends.

• [x] You like to be the center of attention.

• [x] You get above average grades in school.

• [] You've been called bossy before.

• [] You're a bit of a daredevil / you like an adrenaline rush.

• [ ] You are athletic.

• [ ] You are one of the best players on your team.

• [x] You would do anything for your loved ones.

• [x] You like the color red.

• [x] Your favorite class is Transfiguration or DADA.

• [x] You would never break a promise.

TOTAL: 8



Hufflepuff:

• [x] You have many acquaintances, but only a handful of good friends.

• [] You get average grades in school.

• [] You've been called boring before.

• [x] You don't like to brag about your achievements.

• [x] You value honesty.

• [x] You don't mind working hard to get what you want.

• [x] You like the color yellow.

• [] You have a job.

• [ ] You are athletic.

• [x] You are a team player.

• [ ] You are in the middle of the social totem pole.

• [x ] You are easily amused.

• [x] You like helping others.

• [ ] Your favorite class is Herbology or Divination.

• [ ] You like the music played on the radio best.

TOTAL: 8



Ravenclaw:

• [x] You get good grades in school.

• [x] You like to read.

• [] Dumb people annoy you.

• [x] You are creative.

• [x] You've been called a know-it-all before.

• [] You would say your intelligence level is higher than most.

• [x ] You hate cheating.

• [x] People often want you to help them with homework or projects.

• [x] You are more into the creative arts: theatre, dancing, drawing, etc.

• [] You are extremely logical in your way of thinking.

• [] You are considered shy or quiet by people you don't know.

• [x] You like the color blue.

• [ ] Your favorite class is A History of Magic, Charms, or Care of Magical Creatures.

• [x] You tend to over analyze things.

• [] You can focus and pay attention well.

TOTAL: 9



Slytherin:

• [x] You are very competitive.

• [x] You like the finer things in life.

• [ ] You think welfare is a waste.

• [x] You've made fun of someone in the past week.

• [ ] You've been called a snob before.

• [ ] You think the end justifies the means.

• [x] You're not afraid to say something to someone else's face.

• [] You tend to think people are a bit jealous of you.

• [] You've made someone cry by just saying something to them.

• [] You tend to root for the villains in movies, books, etc.

• [x] You are very good with words.

• [x] Above all, you want to be successful in life.

• [x] You like the color green.

• [x] You love to win.

• [x] Your favorite class is Potions or DADA

TOTAL: 9



...So I'm a Slytherclaw? Buuuuuh? (saw this on angeleventuality's page and decided to give it a go...)